A Hard 15 Days…
Jason here to provide an update…
To say the least, the last 14-15 days have been difficult. Lindsey has had a number of complications from chemo (or really unfortunate symptoms not related to chemo) and become pretty depleted and discouraged as a result. And, to be honest, it’s been hard to watch her become depleted, limited, and discouraged.
We thought chemo would result in days of fatigue but that Lindsey would otherwise bounce back or come through it fairly well. That expectation, unfortunately, has not been our reality.
Those who know Lindsey know what a trooper she is, how tough she is, and how she seemingly always powers through whatever life throws at her. For whatever reason, she’s been mostly limited to the bed, sofa, or a comfortable chair for almost the entirety of these two weeks. In particular, since the New Year, Lindsey has had limiting fatigue, spiked a fever (with a likely infection, likely pneumonia), and developed a really annoying allergic reaction to the chemo. She’s suffering from a tingly, itchy, and sometimes painful skin rash that she’s yet to get relief from. Because of her fever and now allergic rash, she’s on an antibiotic and steroids. And, because she’s on these meds, along with rotating ibuprofen and Tylenol, she’s struggling to sleep through the night.
To paraphrase a conversation with Lindsey earlier tonight, she said she feels “…knocked down…not like I have the flu but like the flu when you have to be in bed all day and just pause all of life…and that it’s been a really tough place to be because I didn’t expect so many days out of commission. I thought I’d be fatigued a few days but not what’s felt like a constant low point.”
Linds feels weary and discouraged right now.
It’s possible what Lindsey has encountered is an untimely happenstance of some weird reactions and the catching of a cold or “germ” at the wrong time and that next round things will go more smoothly. (She and I have had COVID tests and she’s had a flu test and been evaluated for strep, all negative). At least, that’s what we hope. On a positive note, Lindsey didn’t have any nausea and has been able to get calories and fluids in through all of this so I’m thankful for that.
Even so, she’s clearly had a difficult and dark two weeks. Would you please pray for her? For us?
Linds has asked that you’d pray she could tolerate this steroid better or switch to something else to treat the allergic reaction. Tonight, Linds said, “[her rash/reaction] feels unsustainable at the moment, like what drippy faucet torture must feel like.” Also pray the allergic reaction would run its course and, in so doing, she’d have relief.
Pray also that Lindsey wouldn’t get feverishly sick again during future rounds of treatment. The fever, though low grade, has been with her for over a week, on either side of when it spiked Saturday.
And, finally, it’s likely Lindsey will lose her hair in the coming day(s). Pray for her to be able to cope with that, and face that new reality.
And, selfishly, I’d ask you to pray for me, for the boys, and for family supporting and caring for us whether near or far.
In closing, I want to offer a song for you to consider, a song through which you can maybe relate to us (and countless others) and how we’ve felt over the last few weeks. This song has been a constant encouragement and refuge for us emotionally through this usually magical, festive season. The season hasn’t felt magical like it normally does. It’s felt heavy. And hard. And sad. And a little fearful. But, this song has gently reminded us that we have a God who came —as the lyric says—to understand us. We have a God who can sympathize with human weakness because he took on flesh and dwelt among us. And we have a God that is a refuge and comfort for us in pain and sadness. And, it’s ok to sit with him in that confusion of emotion, the melancholy, the heaviness. In this song, I most appreciate the honesty, honesty that it’s equally worshipful AND OK to just sit through the season, to sit through the song, to sit with hurt before God. Before God with us.
“No need to smile, no need to sing
Be still and think of this one thing”
