Another Brain Scan, Another Result to Process

Jason here again...

Lindsey had a follow-up brain MRI this week. As many of you know, Lindsey has routine, periodic follow-up imaging every three months or as necessary if there are ever areas of concern, disease-wise. The purpose of these scans is to evaluate how her current therapies are working and learn the current state of disease in her body. Results of imaging inform decisions on therapies and interventions moving forward. Honestly, regular imaging studies (to her chest, aka "below the neck" and to her brain, aka "above the neck) always looming on the calendar becomes a tiresome and weighty reality to carry. It can be exhausting preparing for them, knowing they're always out there to possibly tell us something we don't want to hear. The physics nerd in me always thinks of Shrodinger's cat in quantum mechanics and how we don't know the state of the cat until we "open the box" and look inside to see what state the cat is in. To take the nerd dive a few sentences further (and you're welcome)...everyday life on this journey feels like the superposition principle of Shrodinger's cat paradox: we live daily (like a state of everyday quantum mechanics) as though both realities are true, that cancer in Lindsey's body is both alive and dead at the same time. It feels always alive because we haven't been told it's gone yet, and because she's on therapy continually. But, it also feels dead some days in the sense that Lindsey has been able to live very well for almost two years now. She fights to live her life as she mostly always has, and has been successful at that for the majority of this journey. We also so desperately want to believe it's dead and wish it were dead and we've endeavored to live as much as we can as though it is. But these scans always provide the up-to-date, jarring reality whether we're ready for it or not. In some ways some days, ignorance is bliss.

So, at best, these scans make us encounter the dread again, bracing for bad news even if there is none this time. And, at worst, these scans feel like a weight that often pulls us back down to the reality that cancer is still there.

Sorry (not sorry) for the dork dive into the quantum world. Hopefully you could get the gist even if you aren't a cat person.

Physics stream of consciousness aside, the results of the scan felt like a dose of the scenarios mentioned above: dread but mixed with maybe good, maybe bad news. The purpose of this scan was to follow up on a small spot in Lindsey's brain from a month ago and to see if it had changed at all, to determine if it is concerning today. The good news is that the spot of concern remains stable and quiet today. We'll continue to follow it but it is not an area requiring action today. However, there are now two other very small spots of possible concern. They're not obviously cancer, they could be vascular spots. But, they are just barely above the minimum threshold of remarkability so they're noted. And, because of that, Lindsey will have a follow-up brain scan in two months, not our usual period of three.

That being said, we're thankful there's nothing "above the neck" that requires urgent attention or intervention. Her brain disease really does remain stable, which is a huge praise for us. Would you join us in praying that the tiny new spots of focus would either resolve and go away or turn out to be vascular changes (as a result of whole brain radiation a year ago) and nothing more? We're thankful Lindsey has been able to continue Tagrisso, the targeted therapy drug that has particle sizes small enough to cross the blood-brain barrier. We hope this saturation of drug in the brain continues to keep her brain stable, disease-wise.

With regard to how Lindsey is feeling, she's feeling and managing much better after her second cycle of chemotherapy relative to how she felt after the first. She's been tired and run down as is expected but not had severe mouth or throat pain like before. She's been able to remain hydrated, rest a lot, and eat in the days following her last administration. That is a huge win so thanks for those of you who have been praying. Since she started this new chemo treatment five weeks ago, she's consistently struggled to sleep through the night and wake up feeling rested, but she was able to sleep through the entire night last night without waking so we've celebrated that today. (I slept through the night as well for the first time in probably three weeks so we both got to celebrate waking up rested together).

Lindsey is losing her hair again. She describes her scalp being tender and hair as irritating when on the verge of falling out. Because of that, she asked me to preemptively buzz her head a few nights ago. So, if you see her, she's adorned like a peach with short fuzz currently. Though some hairs are still in the follicles, it doesn't seem to irritate her as much at this length. And, we expect the fuzz to fall out soon.

Thank you for your continued support.

Can I ask a closing prayer request for our boys? Though Linds has managed better this cycle, surely the boys have taken note and been affected by Lindsey’s limitation and suffering as a result of treatment. Though they probably can't articulate it and aren't maybe fully aware, seeing Linds depleted and hurting more than they've observed over the last year has to be discombobulating to them. We've noticed stronger tantrums, more crying, and that they are more quick-tempered than usual. Some of that is age/stage (birth order brother dynamics) and some of that is probably the overstimulation and adjustment the new school year routines bring but seeing mom kicked in the teeth with chemo every three weeks has to take a toll. It’s a new reality that’s vexing not just to them, but also to me/us or any adult. So, would you please pray for them? And, beyond just asking for prayer for them, please know we will continue counseling for the older two boys (10yr old and 8yr old) and plan to start sessions for Henry (5yr old) in the weeks/months to come. So please pray for counseling to help them learn how to articulate fears and sadness, and for them to learn healthy coping/processing methods when they feel sad.