Second Chemo
This round of post-chemo infusion has been much better than the first! I felt heavily fatigued for about a week, but since Friday I have had more energy. No other major side effects so no need for extra medicines, whew! I’ve had enough energy to take walks, do laundry and other simple household chores, be much more present and have mental clarity. I know I’m not 100% Lindsey, I’m not sure if/when that will ever return and what it should look like, but I feel a lot more like my old self. My hair has fallen out, and Jason and the boys seem used to it now. Most every day I glance in the mirror at some point and do a double take. It hasn’t created the social awkwardness I anticipated although a few times while in a store I’ve experienced a friend not even recognize me. Probably with something on my head AND a facemask, there’s not much face showing! Because of the increased Covid cases in our area, a lot of our community is staying home too. In some ways it helps to remember that I’m not the only one missing a social life.
I know that there are many of you that would take away this cancer for me if you could. That many of you express a feeling of helplessness, you want to unburden us but don’t know how. And I wish I had more creative ideas for how to unburden us, how to help. I just don’t. With Covid so rampant right now, flu and cold season, having little ones at home, it’s difficult to know how to receive help without receiving germs. But so many of you have come up with creative ideas to unburden me/us. Last week my uncle had the idea to shave his head with my dad for/with me. He asked first, wanting to be sensitive but not offensive. I just loved the idea! The word that came to mind was solidarity. It was so touching that they would do this, and it made me feel less alone.
One other creative, fun and huge surprise was this letter that arrived at our house.
By the way, we still don’t know who set this up! Jason and I overlapped at Furman with an American soccer player, Clint Dempsey. When he signed to play professional soccer at Fulham F.C., we became Fulham fans and watched his games. We even attended one in London. When Clint transferred to Tottenham Hotspur F.C. we switched teams and have been Tottenham fans for about a decade. The older boys and Jason watch most games (or the highlights), we have Tottenham gear, sing their chants, imitate their goals in the backyard and can name most of their players (It has been exciting to see Gareth Bale back at Tottenham this year!) In the south, football is king, but in our house, Tottenham is the most exciting sport to watch. So when this letter arrived, Jason and I were shocked. The boys beamed when they read this letter, you could see their little wheels turning. !t was a touching gift for us to receive. Wright immediately asked if we could frame the letter. Jason tells the boys several times a week, “You know I’m friends with Jose Mourinho. He sent me a letter.” It really has been a sweet and personal and heart-warming gift that continues to put smiles on our faces. To whomever is responsible, thank you!
We asked Jason’s parents and aunt (who live together) to take Henry (4yr) and Graham (2yr) on Sunday for a few days. They are having a great time together, the boys seem happy and probably love having more attention than when they are overshadowed by big brothers. I am very thankful to have some slower, less physically demanding days. It has just been the 4 of us all week, we have squeezed in some big boy activities this week. Last night at dinner Wright said, “raise your hand if you wish it was always like this.” He and Thomas immediately raised their hands while Jason and I smirked at each other. Jason explained that it is quieter and we love having more time with our big boys, but we also miss our littles and don’t wish them out of our family. Wright corrected, “I meant do you wish it was always this calm at dinner?”, Jason and I immediately laughed and raised our hands. It has been a lot of fun to experience what life with fewer/older kids would be like. We’re still in the I-hope-we-can-make-it-through-dinner stage, not to mention tantrums and diapers and naps and dumping-a-box-of-small-objects and what-are-they-getting-into-it’s-too-quiet stages. I have had a wonderful break from those things! When we are done with dinner, Jason asks the boys to go get ready for bed and miraculously it just happens without supervision! I love Henry and Graham, and I miss them this week. There are wonderful and beautiful things about their personalities and ages, and I don’t want to forget it. And also I can’t imagine when I would EVER say yes to keeping someone else’s 4 and 2yr olds for days. It must be a grandparent thing, but I just don’t get it. At least not today. Thank you Karen, James and Ina!! You are a gift to all 6 of us!
