My Life is a Crucible
My Life is a Crucible
With all on me,
With all the responsibility,
The holding of everything,
The onus on me to drive it all forward…
At times…
Life feels like a weight too great to bear,
So I remember His yoke is easy.
Life feels like it’s in the direct flame of a refining fire,
So I remember He refines only for our good.
Life feels like a crucible melding all I hold together: the past, present, and future,
So I remember He makes all things new.
Life feels like it exists in a perpetual kiln,
So I remember He is the potter and heat is how forms are finalized.
Life feels like a wine press,
So I remember that through pressing, He makes new wine.
Life feels like a sleep-deprived trek,
So I remember He gives rest now and forevermore.
Life feels like a broken relationship,
So I remember His love is complete and redemptive.
Written October 5, 2023 (day 296). I want to emphasize the “At times…” clause and be clear this isn’t how I always feel but, with life these days, this musing reflects how the weight of it all feels and converges. I had the frame of this musing while driving boys to a soccer tournament in Columbia last weekend. It had already been a daunting week and during the commute to Columbia on Saturday I felt the convergence of managing it all again. I farmed out my two younger boys to family and had two with me for the day and trip back home again. I was tired and fighting a lung infection (I’d later learn) so that colored this too. But, this musing nonetheless fits with the series of musings sharing what I carry this side of Lindsey’s death as I navigate life as a solo dad and manager of a four-boy household, all the while figuring out life again.
