In the City Again

In the City Again

I’m in the city again,
A city we loved,
A city we shared.
But you’re not here, you remain in the past.

Past memories from our past life come alive as negatives.
They flicker in the background with strobe effect
Like a remnant of a former life, a prior experience.
My heart aches, but it also bleeds.

I struggle between moving forward, living life,
And the vestige of what we shared, what was ours.

I’m thankful for our time together
And how I grew because of you.

In such an overwhelming and beautiful city,
I reflect on our heavenly city,
The one you now inhabit.

Entering the great cathedrals of this city
I’ve been flattened by God’s glory and weightiness
But also overwhelmed with joy that you are now with Jesus and His people.

So I enter the fray of the city and mass of people, of creatives,
And feel alive again.

I’m ready to move forward.
I encounter life everywhere
And want nothing more than to jump deeply into the stream of it all.

I praise God for my life and want to enjoy Him through living again,
Through His creation.
It feels good to be alive.

(Written, Friday May 12th (Day 148) This was written toward the end of a four day trip to New York, written during a walk from Central Park to Lower Manhattan, written as I walked between East 50th and East 45th streets. I had been haunted by my memories of Lindsey and our many visits to the city. I also felt so alive during this trip and this musing reflects the tension between the two).