All the Places

All the Places
(A Walk to Where You Were)

I pass places I last inhabited with you
Your memory overwhelms me
I return there with you in my mind
And you’re there

But, you’re not here...you’re no longer here

The neighborhood
Up on the Roof
The Kroc fields
Unity Park
The Commons
Swamp Rabbit Cafe

I see couples everywhere
Moms with kids

But, you’re not here…you’re no longer here

I see dungeons and dragons…medieval times being play-acted by people in the park
Reminds me of you, and our picnics in Nashville
Our free entertainment

And, I miss you…

The park is buzzing with people

I see couples everywhere
Moms with kids

But, you’re not here…you’re no longer here

I miss you
And I ache

I walk through the sea of people
I’m crying
And no one notices 
I don’t want them to notice

Everyone seems so happy
So carefree
So full of life

But I don’t

I feel broken
I feel shattered
I can’t breathe
All I can do is cry

I pass a brewery
Everyone’s outside
So jolly
How can they be that way?
Don’t they know?

They don’t know my pain
They don’t know your loss…

I can’t breathe
I struggle to catch my breath

But I have to keep going
So I cry
And move forward

I listen to songs of God
They fill my ears
I want to believe the promises
I want to lean in
It’s hard
I know it’s true, it comforts me, but I still struggle

Grief overwhelms me today

I see couples everywhere
Moms with kids

But, you’re not here...you’re no longer here

(Written on Saturday afternoon, February 18 (day 67) while on a long walk alone, from my home to downtown and then along the Swamp Rabbit Trail to Swamp Rabbit Cafe. Lindsey’s memory was everywhere in everything I passed. And I grieved her loss and recorded this with my thumbs on an iPhone note as I moved along, missing her and processing her loss that afternoon).